Last year, Tim and I went to see Dr. Lenowitz. I was tenatively scheduled for an induction on the 10th of June. I was on bedrest for pregnancy induced hypertension. At our visit my blood pressure had elevated even more so my Dr. said I should be induced that evening. If the blood pressure rises too high, their is risk for stroke and harm to the baby. He went out to call the hospital...Tim and I looked at each other. We had so many feelings, elation, worry, happy...tears! We were not ready...we had a couple days left to prepare! heehee When we got home, we got everything together, I took a shower and he headed to the hospital. I remember calling my family and Tim calling his. "We are gonna have out baby sooner than expected!!!" I remember thinking how ready and not ready I was. I wanted this baby so bad. I didn't want to be pregnant anymore. I wanted to be a good Mom, would I be a good Mom? Oh my gosh! I have never been a Mom before...sure, to my dogs and kitties...but thats not the same thing...I am gonna be a real Mom. I have to be responsible for this little life. I remember asking God, 'Are you sure I am ready for this?' Then I took a deep breath and realized...YUP, I am ready. Sure I have never given birth...but I will give it 110%, I have never been a Mom...but I will give it my all. A sense of calm came over me and we headed to the hospital. We got into out really nice room...so cozy and comfy. I was hooked up with all the monitors and such. A nurse came in and talked with me privately. I remember thinking "This is really happening!' I remember looking in Tim's eyes and knowing exactly what he was thinking. I really felt one with him. We were doing this together and he was my strength. I had nothing to worry about. Tim was doing all the worrying for both of us. I felt all of his love and support. I was at peace.
My family came and visited me. We watched TV and I remember Brad Pitt being interviewed. Bleck! What a stupid memory to have. heehee We talked about names. We had picked Tyler, but I didn't commit because I wanted to see what he looked like. Would he look like a Tyler? That is important! When we had the first sonogram and the baby had flashed us (thats how we found out...we originally didn't want to know) the name Tyler popped into my head. So, his sonogram looked like a Tyler, but would the baby when he entered the world? That is important. My dad was being silly picking all different names. My Mom held my hand and looked at me in a way that only a Mom could. I remember thinking that I will be able to look at my child the same way with the same communication of love. Alexis was going to burst with excitement. She had been waiting for this day ever since Tim and I got married. Jordan and Megan were there too...I remember taking one of the 7 (positive) pregnancy tests at work...Jordan with tears in his eyes as we sat in the office and I told him I was pregnant. Everyone left, and Tim set up his little bed. I was gived this gel to soften the cervix. It was so hard to sleep that night, but I did the best I could. Pleasant dreams...Did I sleep? heehee
Thank you Tim for all your love and support that night and everyday. I am so blessed to have you for my bestest friend and my love of my life. I love you!
Love,
Candace
